Relationships, Student Life

The Spouse’s Side


Not a word, I ever really wanted to become know by. Lately that is all I seem to hear myself do. Don't you need to be studying? Have you done your personal statement yet? Are you ever going to finish your application? Nag. Nag. Nag.

Before you start cheering for my Hubby to run for it. Lets step back and think about this for a moment. How the spouse of anyone going for higher education or waiting through the hiring process of a new job feels. Well I will tell you.... it feels like we are in a car headed somewhere but we can't drive, we can't navigate and we can't even fill the car with gas. We can just sit and hope from the back seat that you are taking care of everything. Sure, we can spell check and fill in where you grew up along your date of birth on all of the applications, but we can't study for you. All we feel we can do is remind. Like you need a reminder....right? Well, we do, because we are freaking scared that the car is going to crash, or run out of gas or even lose a tire! And we can't do a thing but backseat drive!

Getting the picture. Good, because I think I over did the driving the car analogy. Every little detail depends on you and we know it. And it is scary.

Okay. Hold on to your hat. Sure. I can go back to school and get my masters. Not to brag but I am pretty good with school. Books and me get along. ;) And I LOVE to learn. So the future isn't all on one spouse, so don't get me wrong. But when we talked about starting a family, WE wanted to do it. We wanted to raise them and be their influence not the day care or sitter. So here we are splitting up the duties like most of you. My hubby does AMAZING. He is a great dad. You can tell because as soon as he comes home he gets bombarded with chatter about our day, asked if he wants to play and I get asked where he is all day long. They don't always understand why he can't play because of work or studying but they get told he is working hard for all of us.

It is true with time the Hubby and I are becoming a better and smarter team as the days go by because we work at it. This whole cheerleading from the side lines is a new role for me. I can cook and clean and budget our pennies away but that is it.
Sometimes I think that all the pressure anyone feels about getting into graduate school or medical school comes from themselves. The best motivator is yourself. But the best support your are going to get is going to come from a loved one. So when they nag just know that it is away of saying we are scared too. We know you can do it. We wouldn't nag if we didn't think so. Should we find a better way to express it. Sure, of course (I will work on that). But keep listening. Keep your cheerleader or your nag because if the car does take a turn for the worse you have someone that get out and help you push. As we go along we will learn to be better back seat cheerleaders. But until then...take a little time and think about our spouses side of things.

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A lively family of four from the West trying to navigate through years of education.