Humor

Resolutions To Make You Less Of A Jerk In 2017

1. Stop Tipping Like An A-Hole - Just to be clear, a decent tip to your server or bartender is anywhere between 15 and 20%, 20% being so very much appreciated. Obviously, if your waiter sucks to high heaven we understand docking their tip, but if you are trying to save money by stiffing your hardworking waiter, well, Karma is a Biznatch. Tip well, pay it forward, all that crap.

2. Speak When Spoken To - One of my biggest pet peeves from 2016 is saying, “Pardon me,” when I find myself in someones way at the super market and receiving absolutely no reply. Even if you can’t muster a “No problem” a “F*ck you” would be better than nothing! Give other human beings the respect of acknowledgement for Christ’s sake.

3. Hold The Door - I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been walking towards an exit with a baby in one arm, grocery bags in the other and 4 children trailing behind me, and had the person in front of me glance at me and promptly let the door slam in my face. Yes, I am a woman of the world and believe in gender equality, no it won’t hurt my pride to hold the damn door for me!  Chivalry should never die and you should never be in such a hurry that you can’t hold the door for 5 seconds. Jerk.

4. Use The “Thank You” Wave - We all drive like blockheads sometimes, we get in hurry, we’re in crabby moods, whatever. Whether I’m being a jackass and cut someone off or someone is being nice letting me slide in, I always stick my arm out the window and wave my thanks.  We don’t spend enough time trying to show other people our appreciation for their actions, or for their ability to put up with ours. Say thank you; wave.

5. Say “You’re Welcome” - The ancient art of manners seems to be dying steadily. A few years ago, my step-father expressed his appreciation for my use of the phrase, “you’re welcome” over “no problem,” “don’t worry about it,”  and other colloquialisms that have become the norm in the second millennium. When I think about it, he is right. It’s nice to be acknowledged with a distinguished response. Ever since that day I have striven to reply to “thank you” with “you’re welcome.” It gives more weight to my actions and shows more pride myself. I’m badass and I my words should reflect it, yours should too.

6. Pick Up After Yourself - EVERYWHERE! I don’t care if there is a janitor down the hall, pick up the gum wrapper that falls out of your pocket when grabbing your keys, pick up your napkin that drops from your lap at the diner, walk over to the trashcan and grab the can that you missed shooting into the basket in the first place. Be responsible for yourself, your stuff, your trash. Don’t toss your drink containers out the car window or leave them on the pavement when they fall from your car like a waterfall. Stop it now, hug a tree and toss your own trash.

7. If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say… - SHUT UP! Seriously, there is enough cruelty in the world without mean words falling out of your trap.  Go have a nice vent session with your bestie, but otherwise keep your mouth shut unless you’re spreading love rather than hate.

8. Say Hello - Whether you nod your head, smile or form actual words, acknowledging your fellow man is a great way to share the love. I have a fear of meeting other people’s eyes, but when i force myself to do so and offer a smile to a dog walker as I trudge after my kids to school, I feel like a better person. Making connections, even if just for a few seconds, is a crucial part of being human, of being neighborly. Get happy and say hello like a real person, too.

Use these 8 tips and Karma will be less of a biznatch this year, plus you might feel better about yourself and pass on that good feeling to others. Win!


Follow Big Fit Mom on Twitter and visit her Blog